Thursday, December 29, 2005

Ok. major bust.
Had a chalet earlier on.
Jason dragged me to the beach
Gave me a handmade cushion of the frog pic i drew
and confessed to me.
I acted like an idiot.
All i could think was "what would "he" think"
I doubt "he" would care,
then again,
i wished "he" would.

So i told him i needed time to think
That i wasnt ready for any relationship
cuz i lacked the time, and the commitment
after that frightful experience I had
with another guy I accepted.
I couldnt get too close to guys
Or you'd see me running away
Looking for some place to hide.

Then he said he would wait.
That he really loved me.
But hang on,
he barely knows me.
July till now,
Like what, 5 months?!
Another thing,what is love exactly??

First ben, which I admit,
i had a really fun time with,
until the feelings were gone.

Then James, which really,
was a disastrous mistake.
A frightful 1 week.
etched in my mind.

Bryan was next.
Known for being flamboyant.
Had 14 ex-.
Sweet and caring,
but just not the guy for me.

Then Yen kai.
The guy whom I liked a long time ago
Neither good lookin, nor perfect size
character- a big bully, and insensitive to gurls feelings
But being the idiot that I was,
I just had to say something wrongly.
And a 1 mth cold war started.
When it ended, I was exhilarated.
But being nice to me each time, was a heartache to me.
Especially when I have this strong feeling,
that he likes me no more.
Zzz

Rendall,
An oh so sweet guy,
but i knew,
he could only be a soul mate.

Now jason.Gosh

Sigh..what a life. If this is part and parcel of growing up, I now see why people deem "life is a rollercoaster". I am at a lost.What should I do. "At the beginning-Anastacia" would be the last song I would sing now.

I am such an idiot. I really should SHOULD give up on kai. Its fruitless and stoopid to carry on hoping like a dumbo that he would like me again one day. Right?? And each time i tried to, stoopid memories would come back...

Like in Sem 1, where I was best friends with marlene, whom is very popular amongst guys in my sch.Pretty and princess liked. I was very demoralised, then "he" was there, to cheer me up and boost my confidence. "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.I think you are prettier than marlene" were the most consoling words I ever heard then.
Then there was the time this sem, where I really needed a mike to do my work."he", upon hearing I didnt have one, bought and lent it to me to use first. And thanks to that, I scored an A.

argh argh!!!

Argh! Vexed. -.-"
I should just flush my head down the toiletbowl.Lol.
God, just throw me the guy of my dreams, so that I can forget "him".haha.
Shall go back to mapling. Jiehui waiting lerr.I always making him wait in maple sia.hahaha..
sigh.